Hi Dawn,

I’m an alcoholic and have been recovering now for 6 years. My fiancée of 3 years died from a sudden an unexpected heart attack in May 2010. She was also in recovery. This was the first relationship I have ever had in recovery. Yes, there were sordid fumbles with “normies” prior to that. Also I was married twice whilst drinking and thought I knew what love was, until I met her (the one who died.) I have recently been letting go of my past with her and have come to fully accept that she is gone. I’m lonely, scared most of the time and fairly depressed. The thing I want to ask is, after my experience with dating sites and normies running like hell when they find out you are in recovery, is this. How can I find love in recovery? I mean someone who also has a program? My self-doubt and low self-worth won’t let me explore that avenue. Yours hopefully.

Dear Sweetheart,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can hear your pain in the letter when you say you are scared and lonely most of the time. Those feelings are understandable and normal. Grieving a loss of someone you love is difficult and painful.

I had a great loss in recovery myself. What I discovered was my biggest obstacle was that I had lost trust in God. I couldn’t understand why if God loved me he would let this happen? I was in a lot of pain, but what I learned later that most of my pain was because I didn’t believe God wanted me to be happy.

Until I could believe that everything happens for a reason and for my highest good, I would never find happiness.  I would love to tell you that I recovered quickly but I am afraid I searched for happiness in vain for several years, because I was looking outside myself. I was looking for that person or place that was going to make me feel better.

 What happened was I experienced several more loses. When the pain got great enough I turned to God. I learned the pain I was experiencing was because I had turned away. Through prayer and meditation I was able to reconnect and the fear and loneliness slipped away.

It’s only after you are a happy healthy person can you enter into a happy healthy relationship. You can’t place your happiness on the shoulder of another person. Expecting someone else to take away your loneliness places an unfair burden on their shoulders. No one can do that.

Talk to God, heal and be gentle with yourself. Journal, take walks in nature and cry. Once you find peace, you will naturally attract a healthy woman in recovery. I have heard from them all the time. Trust me they are waiting for you.

Love,

Dawn

I would love for everyone to join me on a very exciting Valentine’s  weekend workshop.  Valentine’s Day is a romantic reminder of love, but it can also be a painful reminder of lack for people who are not in a relationship or are in the wrong relationship.

If you think you might be attracted to the wrong men, you don’t want to miss this free workshop. In the workshop will address:

• How to develop a health GPS (Guy Picking System).
• How to remove the blocks that are preventing you from finding the love.
• Provide you with concrete steps to figure out and find your true heart’s desire.

The workshop will be held:

Saturday February 12

10:00 am to 12:00pm

At:

Your Big Picture Café

 4900 S. University Dr

Davie, Fl 33314

If you have any questions please email me at dawnmaslar@yahoo.com. Hope to see you there.

Hi Dawn,

I’m in recovery 7 years next month. I have been in this unhealthy relationship for almost 2 years.  In the beginning he had good reasons to leave, but in the last few times he left he left me for no good reason.  I’m co dependent, and I’m deeply in love with him. I never want him to leave, so after 30 days of him being gone he calls tells me says he’s not going to leave me again.  He sounds so sincere, and I want to believe him, so I take him back, then he leaves again and I’m left hurting over and over. I feel like the monuments of pleasure are worth the pain, that’s so sick, every time I take him back I’m telling him it’s ok to treat me like this, it’s such a vicious cycle, HELP.

Dear Sweetheart,

Thank you for having the courage to write me. I know this painful cycle because I have been in it. You spend days yearning for him, looking at your phone hoping he calls. You obsessively replay every moment you have with him, wondering what you can do differently. I bet you talk to anyone that will still listen about this relationship. You feel caught in a painful vicious cycle and want help.

You are not alone. Many beautiful, talented, and intelligent women get caught in this. You are right it is a vicious cycle, but there is help. I wrote an entire book on this (From Heartbreak to Heart’s Desire Developing a Healthy GPS (Guy Picking System)). In it I explain how to stop the madness, heal and finding the love you truly desire. I can’t explian everything here, but if you write me back and send me your address I will send you a copy free of charge. It is my gift to you. I was given a gift; I was shown the way out. I would love to now share that gift with you.

Also take a look at my television interview …Dawn Maslar TV Interview

Love,

Dawn

Dear Dawn,

I’m having a difficult time getting over my AA relationship, mainly because I don’t know who is to fault. AA teaches us patience, tolerance, kindness and most importantly that “when we are disturbed – the disturbance is within us”. I am 4 years sober and for the better part of three years have been in a turbulent on again off again AA relationship with someone who has many, many more years sober than I do. I love him, but I also feel like our relationship is extremely unhealthy. When things are good between us it’s like magic-as if I have found my soul mate (a person who gets me perfectly). When things are bad, they are horrible- I have nasty phone messages on my machine, name calling, being given the finger, terrible temper tantrums things being broken, suspicion, accusations, being called a cheater, him spreading rumors about me, and on one instance the cops were even involved. It’s been off again on again because of that behavior, there are times when I get! t so worn out that I am determined I will stay away and then I start thinking…(about how I love him, how he loves me, he didn’t mean it, it’s my fault anyway..) The breaking point finally came (me and boyfriend were on an “off” time) when I was going to a camping trip with some friends and my family became concerned at how agitated I was over it. I had to keep the camping trip a secret (I know that was wrong) because if he knew he would be upset and wouldn’t let me go or punish me later about it. I told my family if he called the house to tell him I was someplace else. My family essentially had and intervention-they are concerned for my safety because they feel that he shouldn’t dictate where or with whom I go. I didn’t know how to respond to that, part of me feels that he should respect my need to be with my friends, and part of me understand that in a relationship you listen to and respect your partner’s wishes. Even so after the family sit down, a day at a time, I have had no contact with him for over a month. It’s strange, because of his time, everyone in the rooms thinks he is so wonderful, and I am the sick one (this irritates me because no one has had to date him for 3 years and see what really goes on). But when I think about the relationship I can’t help thinking that if I only was more tolerant, more understanding, and basically re-examine myself it would of went better and we would still be together. I know I played a part in it, and that is why it is so hard to let go. I can’t help feeling like I gave up something good and I will never have that connection (soul mate) with a man ever again. Anyways it’s been tough…staying away and trying not to drive myself crazy with the pain of it being over.

Dear Sweetheart,

            It sounds like you are doing the right thing. If the relationship has declined to the point of nasty phone calls, name calling, temper tantrum, and police visits, it has slipped into the unhealthy category. It becomes toxic is when you try to now keep it together. You are wise to let this one good. But, letting go of any relationship, even an unhealthy one is tough.

            Stick with your friends and remember you really don’t know what others are thinking. You are assuming that others thing he is wonderful and you are sick. That is just your disease talking to you. Also, I know it feels like you will never meet someone ever again, but trust me you will. And, because you have decided to be true to yourself and take care of yourself, the next one will be healthier and happier than the last.  

            You said you are afraid that you might be letting go of a soul mate, but if he really is your soul mate and you have more to learn for each other, you will see him again. Take this time to work on yourself. You have very strong qualities, and understand what a healthy relationship is about. You also value yourself enough to go after you dreams. These are all great qualities that many women in the rooms could use more of. I think you would be a great asset to other struggling women. You have a lot to give and teach. Thank you for writing to me.

Love,

Dawn

Dear Dawn,

Why is your book designed just for women? Don’t you think men have the same relationship problems?

Wow! What a great question. I love to talk about my book. Do I think men have the same relationships problems?…absolutely!! In fact, I am sure the men would get the same benefit from the techniques I describe in the book. So, you are right I should have written more genetic.

The main reason I wrote it specifically for women is that I talk a lot about my own experience as a woman. I know how it feels to be in a frustrating and obsessive relationship as the female. Also, know how to break those unhealthy relationship patterns with men and develop healthy self-esteem. And, I can teach a woman how to attract her true heart’s desires.

Thank you for bring this up. I am working another book and don’t want to alienate anyone. The irony is that the first book I sold was bought by a man.

 Love,

Dawn

Dear Dawn,

I was introduced to sex at a very early age of 8 years old from being sexually abused. Every since then I have been going from relationship to relationship having sex. I HATE being single. I fall for anything because not being with a guy drives me crazy. I came to a really strict school in 2008 so when we are in session I’m ok it’s still really hard but not as hard as when we are not because I don’t have anything keeping me from getting with a guy. What do I do to stop this pattern in my life and overcome this need to have someone and to have sex?

Dear Sweetheart,

You are not alone. Many women who have survived a trauma like yours end-up experiencing the same aftermath, the intense desire to be sexual. It is one of those strange ironic twists like drug addiction. In drug addiction we become hooked on a substance that ends up causing trouble and pain in our lives. But for some reason we go back to the drug to relieve us of the pain in our lives that is caused by us using the drug to relieve us of the pain in our lives.

In your case, you use sex and the sexual attraction to relieve the anxiety and pain in your life. That is why you feel crazy when you don’t have a guy in your life. So what’s the answer? The answer is to dig deep, uncover and heal the original pain. That is what steps four and five are about. We need to uncover and face the issues we have been trying to run from. Many women feel a sense of shame because of abuse, which robs them of their sense of value. By healing your past, you can begin the long process of building self-esteem.

The first step is stopping. Continuing to act out on your impulses only deepens the pain. Find a support group of women who you trust to love and support you. Find a friend who you can call when you feel like calling a man, and find a sponsor who can work you through your past. You deserve love and happiness in your life. By dealing with the damage in your past, you will create a pathway to the life you desire. Good luck and God Speed.

Love,

Dawn